Religion jokes

On the seventh day, God said, "Let there be football."

And it was good.

Later that day, God said, "Let there be one team to rule the others and set the standard for excellence."

With that, he plucked a star from the heavens and placed it on the helmet of silver and blue.

God said, "Let it be called, 'The Dallas Cowboys' - America's team."

Later that day, God said, "Even Cowboys need a**holes."

So he made their fans.

A concerned girl asked the priest, "Father, is it a sin to have sex before receiving communion?

He replied, "Only if you block the aisle."

One Friday night in San Fransisco, a man hops a bus to go home. To his surprise, he sees a very good-looking nun in the back of the bus. He goes to the back of the bus and sits right in front of her. After about 5 minutes pass before he turns around and starts flirting with her. After about 10 minutes, he suggests that they get a drink and then maybe go to his place. The nun is scandalized and orders the man to leave her alone.
The man's stop finally came and he got up furiously and started walking away. On his way out, the bus driver asks him in a high-pitched voice what his problem is. He tells the bus driver about the nun and how she won't go out with him. The bus driver tells him that he could dress up as Jesus and tell her that, for the sake of her religion, she has to have sex with him. The bus driver says he can even tell her where she lives and that she usually prays late into the night.The man thanks the bus driver, but got off the bus wondering why a gay bus driver would care so much about his problems.
Later that night, the man goes to her house dressed up as Jesus. He walks in and sees her praying on a tiny little pew. She sees him and looks shocked. The man, as Jesus, tells her if she wants to go to heaven, she must have sex with him first. The nun says okay, but she'll only do it up the rear because of her religous beliefs. The guy does so.
After he's done, the guy pulls of his Jesus mask and says “HA! I am the guy from the bus!” The nun then pulls off her mask and says, “HA! I am the bus driver.”

A man who smelled like a distillery flopped down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket.

He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes, the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man!"

"Well, I'll be damned!" the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry, I shouldn't have been so unpleasant about it. Tell me, how long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father -- I was just reading here that the Pope does!"