Then he asked "Who is God's son?" Once more the woman poked her husband with the needle, he woke up and screamed, "Jesus Christ!" Again, the priest said, "Correct."
Finally, the priest asked, "What did Eve say to Adam when she didn't want any more children?" The knitter poked her husband again, but this time he screamed "Poke me with that thing one more time and I'm going to rip it off!" The priest smiled and said, "That's right."
The scientist walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need You. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't You just retire?"
God listened very patiently to the man and then said, "Very well, but first, how about this: Let's have a Man-making contest."
To which the scientist replied, "Okay, great!" But God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The scientist said, "Sure, no problem" and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said, "No, no, no You go get your own dirt!"
'Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,' the priest replied. 'Imagine that,' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.
The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' 'I don't have arthritis, Father,' the drunk said, 'but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.'
God then asks the heart surgeon what he had done in life that should allow him into heaven. 'I saved people from death from heart attacks and heart disease,' the doctor replies. 'Welcome to heaven, my son,' God says.
God then turns to the HMO executive. God asked him what he was, and the man replied that he worked for an HMO. 'Welcome to heaven, my son,' says God, 'but you have to leave in two days.'
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