Religion jokes

Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them before they could enter Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter was.

The first blonde said, "Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The second blonde said, "Easter is when we celebrate Jesus' birth and exchange gifts."

St. Peter said, "Noooooo," and he banished her to hell.

The third blonde said, she knew what Easter is, and St. Peter said,"So, tell me."

She said, "Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hung Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder....

St. Peter said, "Verrrrrry good."

"Then," the blonde continued, "now every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of basketball."

St. Peter fainted...

Adam was in the Garden of Eden feeling lonely when he decided to ask God a favor.

Adam said, "I am lonely. Could you make me a companion to share my life with?"

God replied, "What do you have in mind?"

Adam said, "I would like a female with beautiful eyes, shiny hair, and soft skin. Someone who will never get tired of me and never argue with me. Someone who I can talk to endlessly about football. You know, someone I will want to be with forever.

God said, "Sure, I can do that for you, however it will cost you an arm and a leg."

Adam said, "Well, what can I get for a rib?"

A taxi pulls up to a church and picks up a nun. "Where you headed?" the taxi driver asks. "5th street and Main," the nun replies. Considering the long distance to where the nun wanted to go, the driver asks the nun, "So if your a nun what would it take for a man to have sex with you. The nun thinks about it and says, "He would have to have no kids be single and a Christian." The taxi driver then says, "Well your in luck because I'm all of those things. The nun looks around and gets into the front seat. After they have finished, the taxi driver says gloating, "Haha, I'm married and I have kids and I'm a Jew!" The nun replies, "Well that's okay because my name is Henry and I'm headed to a costume party.

Yo mama is so stupid, I told her Christmas was right around the corner - so she went looking for it.