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Religion


the eve of creation
 
 
One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?" God asks her.

"Lord," she says, "I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples," she says.

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you," the good Lord tells her.

"What's a 'man', Lord?" she inquires.

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressivetendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and not altogether bad in the sack."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a burnt stick. But, you can have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?" she asks.

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

jesus gives speech
 
 
Jesus was standing on a hill talking to his people.
'He who hath not sinned, cast the first stone." Just then a stone came flying from the back of the crowd and hit him hard on the head.
'Ouch, Mom! I hate when you do that!"
armed women
 
 
Why did God give women arms?

Do you have any idea how long it would take to lick a bathroom clean?

sleep walking nun
 
 
What do you call a nun who sleep walks?

A roamin' Catholic.


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