Religion jokes

Three little boys were looking for a summer job. Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell bibles. So the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. But he was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment.

So after the first days of work they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, "How many bibles did you sell?"

The boy stood up and said, "35."

"Is that all you sold?" the preacher asked.

"He looked at the secound boy and asked him the same thing. The boy said, "75." "That is good," the preacher replied.

He didn't want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impedement said 'I-I-I s-s-sold 175.' The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how did he sell all of the bibles. He said 'I-I-I t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-them'

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.

"Yes, no problem!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question

"Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it!" So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.

"We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!"

"I'm sorry," the minister says, "but you are both banned from this church!"

"That's okay," says the husband, "We were banned from the supermarket, too."

A smart blonde, a stupid blonde and Santa Claus play poker, who wins?

The stupid blonde because the other two don't exist.

There once was a man named Joe and he was talking to God and he asked, 'How much is a penny worth in heaven?'

God replied, 'One million dollars.'

Then Joe asked, 'How long is a minute in heaven?'

God said, 'One million years.'

So Joe asked for a penny and God said, 'Sure, just wait a minute.'