Religion jokes

A guy walks into a store for some last-minute Christmas shopping, and sees a parrot for sale.

He asks the clerk what the parrot's name is and the clerk tells him it's Chet. He also tells the man that this is one amazing parrot. If you put a match under his left foot, it sings "Jingle Bells," and if you put a match under its right foot, it sings "Deck the Halls."

The man thinks that is the coolest thing he's ever seen, so he decides to buy it for his wife. So he gets home, and puts it away.

Then he wonders what will happen if he puts it a match between its legs, so he tries it, and the parrot starts singing "Chet's nuts roasting over an open fire..."

Proof That Jewish Was Jewish:

1. He went into his father's business.
2. He lived at home until the age of 33.
3. He was sure his mother was a virgin, and his mother was sure he was God.

Proof That Jewish Was Irish:

1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.

Proof That Jesus Was Puerto Rican:

1. His first name was Jesus.
2. He was bilingual.
3. He was always being harassed by the authorities.

Proof That Jesus Was Italian:

1. He talked with his hands.
2. He had wine with every meal.
3. He worked in the building trades.

Proof that Jesus Was a Californian:

1. He never cut his hair.
2. He walked around barefoot.
3. He invented a new religion and finally

Proof that Jesus Was Black:

1. He called everybody brother.
2. He liked Gospel.
3. He couldn't get a fair trial.

Bill Clinton and the Pope die on the same day, but a mixup in the afterlife paperwork sends them to the wrong places: the Pope goes to hell and Bill goes to heaven. After a couple of days they fix this problem and the Pope gets on the escalator to go to heaven and Bill gets on the other to go to hell. The two pass each other on the way and Bill asks, "How bad was it down there?" The Pope says, "Not that bad, kind of hot and noisy, but I am glad to be going up to heaven now. There's one thing up there I have been looking forward to." Bill asks, "What is that?" The Pope replies, "I want to meet the Virgin Mary." Bill, shakes his head sheepishly and whispers to the Pope, "Too late."

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.

Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'