Lawyer jokes

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how much should a lawyer weigh?
Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer?

A: About three pounds, including the urn.

legal birth control

Q: What do lawyers use for birth control?
A: Their personalities.

the teacher, the thief & the lawyer
A teacher, a thief and a lawyer all die in the same freak accident. So when they reach the pearly gates, St. Peter tells them that, unfortunately, heaven is overcrowded, so they each have to answer a question correctly for admission.

The teacher is first, and St. Peter asks, "Name the famous ship that was sunk by an iceberg?"

"Phew, that one's easy," says the teacher, "The Titanic."

"Alright," said St.Peter, "you may pass."

Then the thief got his question: "How many died on the Titanic?"

The thief replied, "That's a toughy, but fortunately I just saw the movie. The answer is 1500 people." And so he passed through.

Last, St. Peter gave the lawyer his question: "Name them."

lawyers stinkin' up the place
Why do you need only two pallbearers at a lawyer's funeral?
There are only two handles on a garbage can.

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