Lawyer jokes

Q: What can a goose do, that a duck can't do and a lawyer should do?

A: Stick his bill up his ass.

Q: What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?

A: Not enough sand.

There was a contruction worker who was working on a building when he fell 15 stories to his bloody death. He arrived at the pearly gates and St. Peter said 'Oh, I am sorry, my son. But you have been sentenced to hell. The worker agreed -- not like he could do anything else -- and he was on his way.
When he arrived, the devil looked at him and said, “Ah! A new slave. We shall burn you and throw you in the fiery pits.” Then the worker replied, “That wall could use a bit of patching. I could fix it first and you could throw me in the pit afterward.” So he fixed the wall. Satan, intrigued, asked, “What else can you build?” So the construction worker went about his job and made many improvements; in fact, by the time he was done, hell was a paradise. It had air conditioning, pools, balconies, you name it.
Within a few days, God phoned Satan and said, “I think there has been a mix-up. That worker was originally supposed to come to heaven.” Satan replied, “No way -- he's built all sorts of useful stuff for us. We're keeping him.” God then said, “Oh, yeah? Well, I'll see you in court. We're going to sue you for this man's soul and damages. Satan just laughed: “And where are you going to find a lawyer?”

A man reluctantly attends his laywer's funeral expecting to be one of the one people there, and is suprised to see a huge turnout for this one terrible man. He turns to the people around him.

"Why are you all at this lawyer's funeral?" he asks.

A man turns towards him and says, "We're all clients."

"And you ALL came to pay your respects?"

"No, we came to make sure he was really dead."