Lawyer jokes

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the heart of the matter
A man who was having heart trouble went to the doctor to see what his options were. Naturally, the doctor recommended a heart transplant. The man reluctantly agreed, and asked if there were any hearts immediately available, considering that money was no object.
"I do have three hearts," said the doctor. "The first is from an 18-year old kid, non-smoker, athletic, swimmer, with a great diet. He hit his head on the swimming pool and died. It's $100,000. The second is from a marathon runner, 25 years old, great condition, very strong. He got hit by a bus. It's $150,000. The third is from a heavy drinker, cigar smoker, steak lover. It's $500,000."
"Hey, why is that heart so expensive? He lived a terrible life!"
"Yes, but it's from a laywer. It's never been used."
skunks and lawyers
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
plaster lawyers
How many lawyers does it take to plaster a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
what's the difference between a...
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?

A: The lawyer charges more.

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