Religion jokes

A blonde owned a small business that she was about to lose, so she went to the church and prayed: "God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business."

She didn't win.

So the next day she was about to lose her business and her car. She went to the church to pray: "God, if I don't win the lotto, I will lose my business and my car."

Still, she didn't win.

So the next day she was about to lose her buisness, her car and her house. She went to the church to pray: "God, if I don't win the lotto, I will loose my business, my car and my house."

Then suddenly the blonde was surrounded by a blinding white light, and she heard the booming voice of God declare, "Buy a ticket."

Betty & Tim were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married in Heaven.
"Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay here and I will be right back."
Six months passed and finally Peter returned.
"Yes, we can do this for you."
"Well, as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out there's a possibility that we could be divorced?' To which St. Peter answered "It took me six months to find a priest up here...how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer?"

Three couples went in to see the minister about becoming new members of his church. The minister said that they would have to go without sex for two weeks and then come back and tell him how it went.

The first couple was retired, the second couple was middle aged and the third couple was newly married.

Two weeks went by, and the couples returned to the minister.

The retired couple said it was no problem at all.

The middle-aged couple said it was tough for the first week, but after that it was no problem.

The newlyweds said it was fine until she dropped the can of paint.

'Can of PAINT!' exclaimed the minister.

'Yeah,' said the newlywed man. 'She dropped the can and when she bent over to pick it up I had to have her right there and then. Lust took over.'

The minister just shook his head and said that they were not welcome in the church.

'That's okay,' said the man. 'We're not welcome in Home Depot either.'

Buckwheat of the Little Rascals fame grew up, became a Muslim, and changed his name.

He now goes by Kareem of Wheat.