wrong kid is mowing
Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn
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- He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
- On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.
- Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.
- Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
- You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.
- He's fascinated by the details of you home security system.
- Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.
- Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
- Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
- No toes.
signs of the 2000's
Signs Of The 2000's
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- Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they'll be a mile away -- and barefoot.
- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
- If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
- My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
- Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
- It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
- I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.
- For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
- Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
- A closed mouth gathers no feet.
- If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
- Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.
- Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
- A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
- Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.
- Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
- No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
- A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
- Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
- Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
- Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
- There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.
- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
- By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends.
- Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
- Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
- I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.
- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
thinnest books around
Thinnest Books
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- The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton
- The Amish Phone Directory
- Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette
- George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names
- French Hospitality
- Everything Women Know About Men
- Everything Men Know About Women
- Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches
- Different Ways To Spell Bob
- Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors
- America's Most Popular Lawyers
- Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean
- The Wild Years-By Al Gore
- Things I Would Not Do For Money-By Dennis Rodman
- Human Rights Advances In China
- To All The Men I've Loved Before-By Ellen Degeneres
- The Engineer's Guide To Fashion
- My Plan To Find The Real Killers-By O. J. Simpson
- How To Land A Plane At Martha's Vineyard - By Jfk, Jr.
good to be american
Top ten reasosn why it's great to be American
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- You can have a woman president without electing her
- You can spell colour wrong and get away with it
- You can call Budweiser beer
- You can be a crook and still be president
- If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything
- If you can breathe you can get a gun
- You can invent a new public holiday every year
- You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.
- You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"
- You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.
- You can get a pizza within minutes of ordering.
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