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top ten lists


flying on a bad airline
 
 
The Top 10 Signs You're Flying On A Bad Airline

  1. The engine's being held on by duct tape.

  2. You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.

  3. In-flight movie has "Ernest" in its title.

  4. Pilot informs you that you're at cruising altitude and he's gonna put the top down.

  5. Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.

  6. As you're taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase "Guest Pilot Program"

  7. The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.

  8. The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club..."she" has a beard and bigger arms than you!

  9. Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.

  10. You look down and see a copy of "Fixing a Plane for Dummies" by the mechanic's feet!!!

television from iraq
 
 
Top Ten Television Shows in Iraq

  1. "Husseinfeld"

  2. "Mad About Everything"

  3. "U.S. Military Secrets Revealed"

  4. "Suddenly Sanctions"

  5. "Allah McBeal"

  6. "Wheel of Fortune and Terror"

  7. "Achmed's Creek"

  8. "Iraq's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"

  9. "Buffy The Slayer of Yankee Imperialist Dogs"

  10. "Just Shoot Me"

thinnest books around
 
 
Thinnest Books

  1. The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton

  2. The Amish Phone Directory

  3. Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette

  4. George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names

  5. French Hospitality

  6. Everything Women Know About Men

  7. Everything Men Know About Women

  8. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches

  9. Different Ways To Spell Bob

  10. Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors

  11. America's Most Popular Lawyers

  12. Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean

  13. The Wild Years-By Al Gore

  14. Things I Would Not Do For Money-By Dennis Rodman

  15. Human Rights Advances In China

  16. To All The Men I've Loved Before-By Ellen Degeneres

  17. The Engineer's Guide To Fashion

  18. My Plan To Find The Real Killers-By O. J. Simpson

  19. How To Land A Plane At Martha's Vineyard - By Jfk, Jr.

good to be american
 
 
Top ten reasosn why it's great to be American

  1. You can have a woman president without electing her

  2. You can spell colour wrong and get away with it

  3. You can call Budweiser beer

  4. You can be a crook and still be president

  5. If you've got enough money you can get elected to do anything

  6. If you can breathe you can get a gun

  7. You can invent a new public holiday every year

  8. You can play golf in the most hideous clothes ever made and nobody seems to care.

  9. You get to call everyone you've never met "buddy"

  10. You can think you're the greatest nation on earth.

  11. You can get a pizza within minutes of ordering.


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