heard at a tax office
The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer's Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline
- No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies.
- I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150,000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!!
- How cute... a tax form done in crayon.
- No sir, its do your taxes every year and renew your driver's license every 4 years, not the other way around.
- Just because you talk to your plants ma'am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependants.
- No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office "contributions" are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form.
- Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you've had cannot count as a business expense.
- I'm sorry, I'm not sure I follow your "Give me an extension and I'll give you an extension later at my place" argument.
- I take it that because you have decided to do origami with your tax form that you're not receptive to paying your taxes this year.
- Just remember the IRS motto, buddy: Screw us now, we'll screw you later!!
you're stressed when
You Know You're Too Stressed If...
- You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.
- The Sun is too loud.
- Trees begin to chase you.
- You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
- You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
- You can hear mimes.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.
- Things become "Very Clear."
- You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.
- The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.
- You and Reality file for divorce.
- You can skip without a rope.
- It appears that people are speaking to you in binary code.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You have great revelations concerning: Life, the Universe and Everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
- You can travel without moving. Antacid tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
- You discover the aesthetic beauty of office supplies.
- Losing your mind was okay, but when the voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.
- You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.
things dad won't say
Things You'll Never Hear A Dad Say
- Well, how 'bout that?...I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
- You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
- Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car-GO CRAZY.
- What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
- Your mother and I are going away for the weekend...you might want to consider throwing a party.
- Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies-you know-that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
- No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
- Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
- Father's Day? Aaahh-don't worry about that-it's no big deal.
tell him that he's stupid
Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid
- A few crumbs short of a crouton.
- A few clowns short of a circus.
- A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
- An experiment in Artificial Stupidity.
- A few beers short of a six-pack.
- A few peas short of a casserole.
- The wheel's spinning, but the hamster's dead.
- One Fruit Loop shy of a full bowl.
- One taco short of a combination plate.
- A few feathers short of a whole duck
- All foam, no beer.
- Body by Fisher, brains by Mattel.
- Couldn't pour water out of a boot with instruc- tions on the heel.
- He fell out of the Stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down.
- An intellect rivaled only by garden tools.
- As smart as bait.
- Chimney's clogged.
- Doesn't have all his dogs on one leash.
- Elevator doesn't go all th eway to the top floor.
- Forgot to pay her brain bill.
- Her sewing machine's out of thread.
- If she had another brain, it would be lonely.
- Missing a few buttons on his remote control.
- Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
- Has the intelligence of a Carrot.
Page 20 of 25 «« Previous | Next »»