you're a bad customer
You Might Be A Bad Customer If:
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- You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane.
- You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes.
- You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are.
- You return the coffee because it's too hot.
- You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon).
- You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one.
- You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years.
- If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20
- You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you.
- You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party.
- You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong.
- While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all the TVs you have?"
- You dare ask for a discount at a resturaunt because your kids didn't like thier food after they showed their dislike by throwing said food on the walls and the floor.
- You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other.
- You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)
wrong kid is mowing
Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn
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- He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
- On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats.
- Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher.
- Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head.
- You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher.
- He's fascinated by the details of you home security system.
- Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings.
- Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus.
- Turns a goat loose and says he'll be back in three weeks.
- No toes.
adults learn from kids
Things Adults Learn From Kids:
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- There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
- If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
- 4 If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
- It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
- You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.
- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late.
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.
- A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
- Duplos will not.
- Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.
- Super glue is forever.
- McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
- Ditto Tarzan.
- No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.
- Pool filters do not like Jello.
- VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- You probably do not want to know what that odor is.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
- Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
- It will however make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
- Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.
- A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).
scary fortune cookies
The Top 10 Least Desirable Fortunes in a Fortune Cookie
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- We know where you live.
- You will need good reading material in approximately 15 minutes.
- Everyone's meal today is on you!
- The "special sauce" came from the floor!
- Guess what our special "drop" was in our Egg Drop Soup and win a free meal!!
- Your colon will self destruct in five seconds.
- A recent prison escapee that is sitting near by wants to love you long time.
- Your dog Sparky...he's no longer missing.
- See the waiter about our new food poison life insurance policies.
- MSG? NO!! Ebola Virus....maybe
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