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adults learn from kids
 
 
Things Adults Learn From Kids:

  1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

  3. A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

  4. 4 If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

  5. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

  6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

  7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

  8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

  9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

  10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

  11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late.

  12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

  13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

  14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

  15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.

  16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

  17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

  18. Duplos will not.

  19. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

  20. Super glue is forever.

  21. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

  22. Ditto Tarzan.

  23. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

  24. Pool filters do not like Jello.

  25. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

  26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

  27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

  28. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

  29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

  30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

  31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.

  32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

  33. It will however make cats dizzy.

  34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

  35. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

  36. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

signs of the 2000's
 
 
Signs Of The 2000's

  1. Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they'll be a mile away -- and barefoot.

  2. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

  3. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

  4. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

  5. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

  6. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

  7. I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

  8. For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

  9. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

  10. A closed mouth gathers no feet.

  11. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

  12. Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

  13. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

  14. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

  15. Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.

  16. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

  17. No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

  18. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

  19. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

  20. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

  21. Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

  22. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

  23. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

  24. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

  25. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

  26. By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends.

  27. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

  28. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

  29. I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.

  30. Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

disney cruise delays
 
 
The Top 10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line

  1. Pluto's "accident" on Deck 3

  2. Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.

  3. Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins.

  4. Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.

  5. Charo kept showing up.

  6. The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet.

  7. The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements.

  8. Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.

  9. Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.

  10. New hires Doc,Isaac,and Gopher quit days before launch,citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one.

top ten error messages
 
 
The Top 10 Good Error Messages On The Brand New $7000 Computer You Just Bought

  1. "That URL was not found because frankly, I didn' try hard enough."

  2. "If you continue to type that way, you'll get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."

  3. "The Server is not really down, its just mildly depressed."

  4. "Normally, I would complain but I'll let that rough disk insertion slide this time."

  5. "Don't worry, I'll clean up that beer stain."

  6. "Its not a virus...its a STD(System Transmitted Disease)."

  7. "Remember Einstein, its point then click, point then click."

  8. "That General Protection Fault is not yours."

  9. "You're using MS Word 5.0 and that's a weenie version so why don't I upgrade you for free?"

  10. "I hate to tell you this but you have already seen that version of the Pamela Anderson video... may I suggest another?"


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