never hear women say
Things You'll Never Hear A Woman Say
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- What do you mean today's our anniversary?
- Can we not talk to each other tonight? I'd rather just watch TV.
- Ohh, this diamond ring is way too big!!
- And for our honeymoon we're going fishing in Alaska!
- Aww, don't stop for directions, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out how to get there.
- Is that phone for me? Tell 'em I'm not here.
- I don't care if it is on sale, 300 dollars is too much for a designer dress.
terrorize telemarketer
Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer
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- Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
- Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"
- Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
- After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.
- Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you a case of beer and some chips.
- If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
- If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
- Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
- If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.
- When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm so glad you asked because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
signs your burned out
"Top Ten Signs You Are 'Burned Out' Because of Work"
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- You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell."
- Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, jerk!"
- Your garbage can IS your "in" box.
- You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
- You have so much on your mind, you've forget often how to think.
- Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through ...er.... Monday.
- You sleep more at work than at home.
- You leave for a party and instinctively take your ID badge.
- Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
- You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
broker market crash
The Top 10 Signs Your Broker Was Affected by the Stock Market Crash
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- "He can't come to the phone right now..he's on the ledge."
- "He won't be in today...he was made an offer and he refused."
- "He left the building and not via the elevator..if you catch my drift."
- "I'm sorry, sir..she's not in...she's out digging up your can as we speak."
- There's a sign on her desk that says "Next Broker Please."
- "He's on another line with his Mommy..would you care to hold?"
- "No sir, that wasn't him streaking through the Stock Exchange"
- "He's meeting with the SEC as we speak."
- "I'm sorry, ma'am but that was him being led from the Stock Exchange naked except for the sale tickets stuck to his body via maple syrup."
- "Yes sir, that is him in the White Bronco leading the cops down the freeway."
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