top ten lists jokes

Jokes » top ten lists » jokes 15

top ten lists


you're a bad customer
 
 
You Might Be A Bad Customer If:

  1. You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane.

  2. You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you want and don't decide for another 30 minutes.

  3. You yell out what a GREAT TIPPER you are.

  4. You return the coffee because it's too hot.

  5. You order water with extra lemon (as if it was supposed to come with lemon).

  6. You ask for a discount. No reason specified, just that you should get one.

  7. You get annoyed if a hardware store, etc., does not have the most obscure component in stock, despite the fact that they haven't sold one in over 20 years.

  8. If you buy 10 cent candy to break a 20

  9. You think the Pre-pay sign on the gas pump is for everyone but you.

  10. You buy an expensive dress and return it after the party.

  11. You can't read the signs or coupons correctly, insisting you're right and all the employees are wrong.

  12. While standing in front of the huge line up of TVs, you ask a salesman, "Is this all the TVs you have?"

  13. You dare ask for a discount at a resturaunt because your kids didn't like thier food after they showed their dislike by throwing said food on the walls and the floor.

  14. You chew out the manager of the local McDonald's for not cleaning up the place, while meanwhile, your kids proceed to launch ketchup packets at each other.

  15. You pay anything / everything in small change (especially pennies)

adults learn from kids
 
 
Things Adults Learn From Kids:

  1. There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.

  2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.

  3. A 4 years-old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

  4. 4 If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.

  5. It is strong enough however to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.

  6. Baseballs make marks on ceilings.

  7. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on.

  8. When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.

  9. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

  10. The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

  11. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "Uh-oh;" it's already too late.

  12. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

  13. A six year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36 year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

  14. A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.

  15. If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes it does not leak - it explodes.

  16. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.

  17. Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.

  18. Duplos will not.

  19. Play Dough and Microwave should never be used in the same sentence.

  20. Super glue is forever.

  21. McGyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.

  22. Ditto Tarzan.

  23. No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

  24. Pool filters do not like Jello.

  25. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

  26. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

  27. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

  28. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

  29. Always look in the oven before you turn it on.

  30. Plastic toys do not like ovens.

  31. The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.

  32. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.

  33. It will however make cats dizzy.

  34. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

  35. Quiet does not necessarily mean don't worry.

  36. A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).

thinnest books around
 
 
Thinnest Books

  1. The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton

  2. The Amish Phone Directory

  3. Mike Tyson's Guide To Dating Etiquette

  4. George Foreman's Big Book Of Baby Names

  5. French Hospitality

  6. Everything Women Know About Men

  7. Everything Men Know About Women

  8. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection Of Motivational Speeches

  9. Different Ways To Spell Bob

  10. Career Opportunities For Liberal Arts Majors

  11. America's Most Popular Lawyers

  12. Amelia Earhart's Guide To The Pacific Ocean

  13. The Wild Years-By Al Gore

  14. Things I Would Not Do For Money-By Dennis Rodman

  15. Human Rights Advances In China

  16. To All The Men I've Loved Before-By Ellen Degeneres

  17. The Engineer's Guide To Fashion

  18. My Plan To Find The Real Killers-By O. J. Simpson

  19. How To Land A Plane At Martha's Vineyard - By Jfk, Jr.

government problems
 
 
Things To Think About Our Government:

  1. 29 Members of Congress have been accused of spousal abuse.

  2. 7 Have been arrested for fraud.

  3. 19 Have been accused of writing bad checks.

  4. 117 Have bankrupted at least two businesses.

  5. 3 Have been arrested for assault.

  6. 71 Have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card.

  7. 14 Have been arrested on drug related charges.

  8. 8 Have been arrested for shoplifting,

  9. 21 Are current defendants in lawsuits.

  10. 84 Were stopped for drunk driving in 1998 alone, but released after they claimed Congressional immunity.


Page 16 of 25     «« Previous | Next »»