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top ten lists


halloween handouts
 
 
The Top 10 Least Popular Halloween Handouts

  1. Spinach flavored Rice Cakes.

  2. Teeth removing Taffy

  3. Metamucil in a straw

  4. Ex-Lax Brownies

  5. Caramel Covered Zucchini

  6. Colored Crisco on a Stick

  7. Hot steaming bowl of pumpkin guts

  8. Chocolate Covered Prunes

  9. A Handful of Red Man

  10. Anything that ticks!

well, how do i look?
 
 
The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The "How Do I Look" Question

  1. "That's a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago."

  2. "I ain't seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town."

  3. "Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind."

  4. "Ssshhh, the games on right now..go look in the mirror, that's what its there for!!"

  5. "Oh man, I'm gonna lose my lunch."

  6. "Like the girl I was with yesterday."

  7. "Like someone in dire need for some liposuction."

  8. "Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend."

  9. "How can I put this...MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

you have a boring job
 
 
The Top Signs That You Have A Boring Job

  1. You're introduced to everyone as "The Minesweeper God".

  2. You have visited every website in the world.

  3. You're the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.

  4. You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.

  5. You're able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.

  6. Your doctor says that he's never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.

  7. You've seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.

  8. Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.

  9. In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.

must be out of shape
 
 
The Top Signs You're Out of Shape

  1. You've ever torn something just trying to turn off the alarm clock.

  2. People at work only refer to you by saying "Hey fatso!"

  3. You've thrown your back out by carrying a bag of groceries.

  4. Random strangers come up, poke you in the stomach and expect you to giggle.

  5. Your record is 34 Pushups and you could have done more if the Ice Cream Man would have taken plastic.

  6. You get the Christmas gift of Jigglin' To The Oldies.

  7. You cramp up while watching the New York City Marathon.

  8. Watching Rocky 5 is your idea of a workout video.

  9. The sales clerk nicely but firmly pulls you away from the jeans rack and whispers "Its Sansabelt Time, Tubby"


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