well, how do i look?
The Top Bad Response For Guys To Give To The "How Do I Look" Question
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- "That's a great outfit honey but Halloween was 6 weeks ago."
- "I ain't seen a caboose that big since Amtrak left town."
- "Uh-uh, the last time I answered that question, I went temporarily blind."
- "Ssshhh, the games on right now..go look in the mirror, that's what its there for!!"
- "Oh man, I'm gonna lose my lunch."
- "Like the girl I was with yesterday."
- "Like someone in dire need for some liposuction."
- "Well, if I close my eyes, just like my previous, prettier girlfriend."
- "How can I put this...MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!"
terrible history teacher
The Top 10 Signs You Have A Bad History Teacher
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- Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.
- As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.
- Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.
- Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler's favorite pasta.
- Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and Canada as "technically" U.S. States.
- Tells you that its Napoleon that's the ice cream that comes in 3 flavors in one box.
- Insists that the Great Depression could have been stopped with the right amount of Lithium.
- Threatens to renact Salem Witch Trials/Burnings if homework is not turned in on time.
- Claims that it was Martin and Lewis that were the great explorers of the West.
- Credits David Hasselhoff and not Democracy for the fall of the Berlin Wall.
heard at a tax office
The Top 10 Things Overheard In A Tax Preparer's Office Prior To The Tax Filing Deadline
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- No sir, the government does not want you to pay your taxes in pennies.
- I have a hard time believing that a garbage collector made $150,000 last year so for the last time, DID YOU HAVE ANY OTHER SOURCE OF INCOME!!!
- How cute... a tax form done in crayon.
- No sir, its do your taxes every year and renew your driver's license every 4 years, not the other way around.
- Just because you talk to your plants ma'am, you cannot, repeat CANNOT list them as your dependants.
- No Ms Lewinsky, your oval office "contributions" are not the same as when you check the dollar box at the top of your 1040 form.
- Even if you are a hooker, the number of orgasms you've had cannot count as a business expense.
- I'm sorry, I'm not sure I follow your "Give me an extension and I'll give you an extension later at my place" argument.
- I take it that because you have decided to do origami with your tax form that you're not receptive to paying your taxes this year.
- Just remember the IRS motto, buddy: Screw us now, we'll screw you later!!
a relationship is over
The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over
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- All of a sudden, she's typing in a different font.
- Instead of hearing that lovely "You've Got Mail" statement when you use America OnLine, you hear "You Just Got Dumped!"
- Your connection to his server is constantly refused.
- You get a Dear John E-mai...Your name is Fred.
- They no longer have access to a computer due to a recent parole.
- She starts ending each sentence with only 1 exclamation mark instead of the usual 3!!!
- She tells you that she's been working a lot. You think its a professional job; it turns out that she was responsible for the decorations at her Jr High prom!!
- During an intimate moment in a chat room, she reveals herself to be GRANDMA!!
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