disney cruise delays
The Top 10 Reasons Disney Delayed Launching Their Cruise Line
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- Pluto's "accident" on Deck 3
- Room service using Aladdin was getting out of hand.
- Exterminator killed off "rat" problem only to discover they were Mickey and Minnie's cousins.
- Drunken dispute between Donald and The Mighty Ducks over who was mightier.
- Charo kept showing up.
- The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast" kept eating the midnight buffet.
- The Seven Dwarfs vandalized the ship after failing to meet the "You Must Be This Tall to Ride This Ride" Requirements.
- Stench of seawater and 101 Dalmations was too strong.
- Tour guide Goofy goes into drunken rampage and uses Chip and Dale as Shuffleboard discs.
- New hires Doc,Isaac,and Gopher quit days before launch,citing that this job is not as "exciting and new" as their last one.
your dentist is crazy
The Top 10 Signs Your Dentist Is Crazy
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- Keeps trying to sell you extra teeth.
- His restrooms are labeled "Bleeders" and "Non-Bleeders"
- Pumps gas into the waiting room in advance.
- Does an extensive search for cavities...dental and body.
- He...ummm..licks his tools clean.
- Gets mad when you mention that 4 out of 5 dentists surveyed line.
- When you come to from being under the gas, he's quick to insist that you wore your pants backwards when you came into his office.
- Wears a necklace made of human teeth.
- Has a grindstone in the office for his tools.
- Insists that a Novacaine shot is something that he'll buy you at a bar if you just go out with him.
to do in space station
The Top 10 Things To Do While Confined In A Space Station
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- Roll down the window and throw beer cans at passing satellites.
- Play some rather boring games of Solitaire.
- Try to bust that myth of Lays Potato Chips: Betcha Can't Eat Just One!
- Come up with as many wacky Top 10 List Topics as possible so Top 10 Boy will have work to do into the New Year.
- When the NASA camera is off, dance around to "Blue Jean" by David Bowie while wearing just your space helmet.
- Do what everyone else does, write out all of your postcards..mail them when you get home.
- Don't move, don't touch anything and if you break something, know that you will be blamed mercilessly for it and shunned by society to a Gulag in a remote part of Northern Siberia (Russian Space Station only).
- Access www.spacebabes.com on NASA's computer instead of doing those meaningless space experiments.
- Call Martian Escort Service..hope like hell they take American Express.
- Watch All of Pauly Shore's movies...try to find examples of humor, plot and a reason for making it.
flying on a bad airline
The Top 10 Signs You're Flying On A Bad Airline
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- The engine's being held on by duct tape.
- You see the Gorilla from those old Samsonite commercials running loose up and down the aisles.
- In-flight movie has "Ernest" in its title.
- Pilot informs you that you're at cruising altitude and he's gonna put the top down.
- Instead of Peanuts, you get a healthy helping of SPAM.
- As you're taking off, the stewardess mentions the phrase "Guest Pilot Program"
- The seats are wet due to flotation device moisture.
- The stewardess asks you to join the Mile High Club..."she" has a beard and bigger arms than you!
- Pilot asks if there is anyone else who wants a shot of Beam before he finishes the bottle.
- You look down and see a copy of "Fixing a Plane for Dummies" by the mechanic's feet!!!
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