you have a boring job
The Top Signs That You Have A Boring Job
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- You're introduced to everyone as "The Minesweeper God".
- You have visited every website in the world.
- You're the Spelling Bee Coordinator in rural Alabama.
- You are the only one that is ready for the rush of ticket sales for that New Kids on the Block reunion tour.
- You're able to pull staples out of papers with your teeth.
- Your doctor says that he's never seen someone exposed to so much photocopier radiation in his life.
- You've seen the late night commercial for the Chia Dildo.
- Your workload is so intense that you can write Top 10 lists all day long.
- In your 10 years on the force as an Amish Traffic Cop, you have not had to write one single speeding ticket.
terrible history teacher
The Top 10 Signs You Have A Bad History Teacher
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- Constantly gets Indonesia and Outdonesia confused.
- As incentive for learning, when you name a state capital, you get to take a shot.
- Insists that one of Popes during the Roman empire was Pope Bubba.
- Thinks that Mussolini was Hitler's favorite pasta.
- Counts Puerto Rico, Mexico and Canada as "technically" U.S. States.
- Tells you that its Napoleon that's the ice cream that comes in 3 flavors in one box.
- Insists that the Great Depression could have been stopped with the right amount of Lithium.
- Threatens to renact Salem Witch Trials/Burnings if homework is not turned in on time.
- Claims that it was Martin and Lewis that were the great explorers of the West.
- Credits David Hasselhoff and not Democracy for the fall of the Berlin Wall.
a relationship is over
The Top Signs That Your Net Relationship Is Over
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- All of a sudden, she's typing in a different font.
- Instead of hearing that lovely "You've Got Mail" statement when you use America OnLine, you hear "You Just Got Dumped!"
- Your connection to his server is constantly refused.
- You get a Dear John E-mai...Your name is Fred.
- They no longer have access to a computer due to a recent parole.
- She starts ending each sentence with only 1 exclamation mark instead of the usual 3!!!
- She tells you that she's been working a lot. You think its a professional job; it turns out that she was responsible for the decorations at her Jr High prom!!
- During an intimate moment in a chat room, she reveals herself to be GRANDMA!!
things dad won't say
Things You'll Never Hear A Dad Say
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- Well, how 'bout that?...I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
- You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
- Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car-GO CRAZY.
- What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
- Your mother and I are going away for the weekend...you might want to consider throwing a party.
- Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies-you know-that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
- No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
- Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
- Father's Day? Aaahh-don't worry about that-it's no big deal.
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