top ten lists jokes

Recalled Christmas Toys

1. Broken Bag-O-Glass
   
   
2. Dr. Kevorkian First Aid Kit
   
   
3. Jeffrey Domhers Easy Bake oven and cookbook
   
   
4. Timothy McVays home Chemistry set
   
   
5. Switchblade Barney
   
   
6. Pork-n-Beany Babies
   
   
7. Make your own moonshine kit
   
   
8. Mike Tyson Doll (with ear biting action)
   
   

10. The monitor is up on blocks.

9. Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.

8. The six front keys have rotted out.

7. The extra RAM slots have truck parts installed in them.

6. The numeric keypad only goes up to six.

5. The password is "Huntin".

4. The CPU has a gun rack mount.

3. There is a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.

2. The keyboard is camouflaged.

1. The mouse is referred to as a "critter".

You Might Be An Internet Addict If...

1. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don't have a clue as to when it happened.
   
   
2. Your bookmark list takes 15 minutes to go from top to bottom.
   
   
3. Your nightmares are in HTML and GIFS.
   
   
4. You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
   
   
5. You start introducing yourself as "Jim at net dot com"
   
   
6. Your heart races faster and beats irregularly each time you see a new WWW site address on TV.
   
   
7. You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
   
   
8. Your wife drapes a blond wig over your monitor to remind you of what she looks like.
   
   
9. All of your friends have an @ in their names.
   
   
10. When looking at a web page full of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
    
    
11. Your dog has its own home page.
    
    
12. You can't call your mother... She doesn't have a modem.
    
    
13. You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
    
    
14. Your phone bill is a heavy as a brick.
    
    
15. You write your homework in HTML and give your instructor the URL.
    
    
16. You don't know the sex of three of your closest friends, because they have neutral nicknames and you never bothered to ask.
    
    
17. Your husband tells you that he has had the beard for 2 months
    
    
18. You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
    
    
19. You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Daddy's got work to do" -- even though you don't have a job.
    
    
20. You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
    
    
21. Your wife makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
    
    
22. You get a tattoo that says "This body best viewed with Netscape 3.0 or higher."
    
    
23. You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP... because you never log off.
    
    
24. The last girl you picked up was only a GIF.
    
    
25. You ask a plumber how much it would cost to replace the chair in front of your computer with a toilet.
    
    
26. Your wife says communication is important in a marriage... so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
    
    
27. As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.
    
    

You Are No Longer "Cool" When

1. You find yourself listening to talk radio.
   
   
2. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
   
   
3. The pattern on your shorts and couch match.
   
   
4. You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit.
   
   
5. You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged man gets a new sports car, hair piece and a 20 year old girlfriend.
   
   
6. You criticize the kids of today for their satanic suicide-inducing music, forgetting that you rocked to Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath.
   
   
7. You call the police on a noisy party next door instead of grabbing beer and joining it.
   
   
8. You turn down free tickets to a rock concert because you have to work the next day.
   
   
9. When grass is something that you cut, not cultivate.
   
   
10. When jogging is something you do to your memory.
    
    
11. Getting a little action means your prune juice is working.
    
    
12. All the cars behind you flash their headlights.
    
    
13. You remember the "Rolling Stones" as a rock group not a corporation.
    
    
14. You bought your first car for the same price you paid for your son's new running shoes.
    
    
15. You actually ASK for your father's advice.
    
    
16. You don't know how to operate a fax machine.
    
    
17. When someone mentions SURFING you picture waves and a surf board.