cats are thinking about
Ten Things A Cat Thinks About
- I could have sworn I heard the can opener.
- Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths?
- Why doesn't the government do something about dogs?
- I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ULTERIOR motives?
- Hmmm ... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these STUPID dogs to do anything for us?
- This looks like a good spot for a nap.
- Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener.
- Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place?
- If there's a God, how can He allow neutering?
- If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let THEM know who's boss!
the hollywood hotel
The Top 10 Floor Plans for the Planet Hollywood Movie Hotel
- "Scream" suite which becomes vacant quickly.
- Hotel pool never gets used due to menacing music and one lone fin circling at all times.
- Marv Albert has reservations for "The Crying Game" floor.
- More suicide jump precautions on the Pauly Shore floor than anywhere else.
- No one takes a shower on the "Psycho" floor
- Pee-Wee Herman as a tour guide...YIKES
- No buttons on the elevator to the Star Wars floor...just use the Force.
- Room service involves Shannon Tweed and George Clooney.
- Wake up call on Stallone floor is "Yo, Adrian!"
- "Showgirls" floor booked until 2010..by Congress.
good to be an italian
Top ten reasons why it's good to be Italian.
- In-depth knowledge of bizarre pasta shapes
- Unembarrassed to wear fur.
- No need to worry about tax returns
- Glorious military history... well, until about 400 a.d.
- Can wear sunglasses inside
- Political stability
- Flexible working hours
- Live near the Pope
- Country run by Sicilian murderers
don't say to a judge
Top Things You Should Not Say To A Judge
- "I got your community service right here pal!"
- "Boy your chamber sure does look different with the lights on."
- "You couldn't carry Wapner's gavel you moron!"
- "You're not as easy to buy as others said you were."
- "No you robe wearing geek."
- "I don't suppose there's a "You get me off, I get you off" type of deal out there?"
- "Just out of curiousity, are you wearing pants?"
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