funny answering machine messages jokes

Computer generated voices:

1: Hello, there are no real people here to answer the phone right now.

2: Yeah, nobody but us machines!

1: Right, just us machines, but don't hang up! If you like, you can leave your name and telephone number...

2: ...and a message! You forgot about the message!

1: Right. Leave your name, telephone number, and a brief message after you hear the beep, and we will keep track of this stuff until the real people get back.

2: ...unless of course, sombody pulls out our plug!

Hi!! You've reached Janet and Chris's room. We're not in right now. If this is our parents, we're at the library studying. Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's the ticket. If this is John, Chris is out with the girls at the party. Yeah, that's it. If this is any one else, we're at a party and you're not. Yeah, a party with the president. Yeah and the... Pope. Yeah that's it.

US National Anthem; Ronald Reagan voice: Uhh, hello... I'm, uhhh, ohhhhhh... (Pause.) Well, anyway, I'm here to answer the telephone on behalf of... erm... uhhhh... ermmm... (Pause.) I mean, he can't come to talk to you right now, but if you leave a message after the, umm oh, the uhhhh... the uhhhhhh... BEEP.

Hello, this is David. I don't live here, so if you were trying to call me, you've dialed the wrong number. On the other hand, if you were trying to call John, Jim, or Eric, please leave your name and number at the tone. I don't guarantee that one of them will call you back -- only that I won't.