funny answering machine messages jokes

Hello, this is Jim. Unfortunately I can't answer the phone right now because I've just come back from the Mirror Worlds and I'm still made up of antimatter, so if I were to pick up the phone right now, the resulting energy release would make Hiroshima look like a wet firecracker. So leave a message at the tone and I'll get back to you as soon as my component particles have been restored to their normal charges.

Now I lay me down to sleep;
Leave a message at the beep.
If I die before I wake,
Remember to erase the tape.

"I'm Morley Safer." "I'm Harry Reasoner." "And I'm Fred." "We're not home; leave a message."

E'llo. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Leave your name and number, and prepare to die.