funny answering machine messages jokes

"If I Only Had A Brain":

I might be in the shower,

I might be gone for hours,

I can't come to the phone.

So, please leave your name and number,

If I miss you it'd be a bummer,

Leave your message at the tone...

1: Hi, you've reached Bob and Faisal's room.

2: (Background:) What are you doing?

1: I'm recording an answering machine message.

2: But we're here right now.

1: But we might not be here later.

2: Oh. (To phone:) Leave a message.

After a power outage: Hi, this is Ralph. The good news is that my power is back on. The bad news for you is, so is my answering machine. So, leave a message.

With apologies to Robert Burns:

O ma phone is but an ebon box,

Wha' rings when I'm awa'.

And my tape machine waits,

For your call,

This message for ta play.

So leave ye message at the beep,

Then bide ye well a while,

For I will hear your voice,

ONE DAY,

and call ye wi' a smile.