a new car from aol
The AOL Car
- The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
- The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
- The car would often refuse to start and owners would just expect this and try again later.
- The windshield would have an extra dark tint to protect the driver from seeing better cars.
- AOL would sell the same model car year after year and claim it's the NEW model.
- Every now and then the brakes on the AOL car would just "lock-up" for no apparent reason.
- The AOL car would have a very plain body style but would have lots'a pretty colors and lights.
- The AOL car would have only one door but it would have 5 extra seats for family members.
- Anyone dissatisfied could return the car but must continue to make payments for 6 months.
- If an AOL car owner received 3 parking tickets AOL would take the car off of them.
- The AOL car would have an AOL Cell phone that can only place calls to other AOL car cell phones.
- AOL would pass a new car law forbidding AOL car owners from driving near other car dealerships.
- AOL car mechanics would have no experience in car repair.
- Younger AOL car drivers would be able to make other peoples AOL cars stall just for fun.
- It would not be possible to upgrade your AOL car stereo.
- AOL cars would be forced to use AOL gas that cost 20% more and gave worse mileage.
- Anytime an AOL car owner saw another AOL car owner he would wonder, M/F/age?
- It would be common for AOL car owners to divorce just to marry another AOL car owner.
- AOL car owners would always claim to be older or younger than they really are.
- AOL cars would come with a steering wheel and AOL would claim no other cars have them.
- Every time you close the door on the AOL car it would say, "Good-Bye."
all of life's annoyances
Doesn't It Annoy You When...
- ...there's a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
- ...you buy an answering machine so you won't miss any calls, and then everyone hangs up when they hear the machine answer?
- ...there's a cop car in sight and everyone thinks they have to drive 10-15 mph slower than the speed limit?
- ...you're reading a magazine and all those annoying little subscription cards keep falling out?
- ...you tell someone that a door is locked and they try to open it anyway, like it'll magically open for them and not you.
- ...someone says, "well, to make a long story short" and then they go on telling it for another 15 minutes.
- ...a friend or family member says "Yuck! This is awful!!" and then tells you to try some.
- ...you have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just looking around.
- ...you rub on hand cream and can't turn the bathroom doorknob to get out.
- ...a waiter or waitress is not around at any time other than right after you put food in your mouth.
- ...your tire gauge lets half the air in your tire when all you want is a pressure reading.
- ...there's a dog in your neighborhood that barks at EVERYTHING.
- ...the power goes out, and you discover every flashlight you have has dead batteries.
- ...someone gets in the express lane at the supermarket and writes a check or uses a credit card.
- ...the elevator stops at every floor and nobody gets on.
- ...you almost ALWAYS back up your computer files but the week you don't, your hard drive crashes and you lose everything.
government problems
Things To Think About Our Government:
- 29 Members of Congress have been accused of spousal abuse.
- 7 Have been arrested for fraud.
- 19 Have been accused of writing bad checks.
- 117 Have bankrupted at least two businesses.
- 3 Have been arrested for assault.
- 71 Have credit reports so bad they can't qualify for a credit card.
- 14 Have been arrested on drug related charges.
- 8 Have been arrested for shoplifting,
- 21 Are current defendants in lawsuits.
- 84 Were stopped for drunk driving in 1998 alone, but released after they claimed Congressional immunity.
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