"I'm from Ireland."
"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Ireland are you from?"
"Dublin."
"Me too! I'll drink to that." They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where in Dublin are you from?"
"The East Side."
"The East Side? Me too! What a coincidence! I'll drink to that!" They both finish their pints and order two more.
"Where on the East Side are you from?"
"McDonagh Street."
"Me too! This is incredible! I'll drink to that."
As the bartender pours them another two pints, another customer at the bar says to him, "That's amazing! I can't believe they're from the same street in Dublin. What's going on?"
"Oh, it's nothing amazing," says the bartender,"it's just the Ferguson twins getting sloshed again."
'I got in a tiff with Riley.'
'Riley? He's just a wee fellow,' the barkeep said, surprised. 'He must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' Kelly said. 'A shovel it was.'
'Dear Lord. Didn't you have anything in your hand?'
'Aye, that I did -- Mrs. Riley's left boob.' Kelly said. 'And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.'
So they go to Italy, stand on the bridge and wait. A woman walks by. They vampires kill her, drink her blood and throw the body over the bridge. A few minutes later, a man walks by. They kill him, drink his blood and throw his body over the bridge. Then another man comes along, and they kill him too.
Just as they were about to throw the body over the bridge, they hear a voice singing. The two vampires look down to see an alligator under the bridge singing, 'Drained wops keep falling on my head.'
"My condolences," says the bartender, thinking that one of the man's friends has died.
"No, no," says the man, "they're both still alive. I've just quit drinking."
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