Foreign jokes

So the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone.

He then orders three more and the bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold, so you can start with one and I'll bring you a fresh one as soon as you're low."

The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too and we're drinking together."

The bartender thinks it's a wonderful tradition and every week he sets up the guy's three beers as soon as he enters in the bar. Then one week, the man comes in and orders only two. He drinks them, then orders two more. The bartender sadly says, "Knowing your tradition, I'd just like to just say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died."

The man replies, "Oh, my brothers are fine - I just quit drinking."

The old explorer said, "Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India. I was on a narrow path and my faithful native gun bearer was behind me. Suddenly the largest tiger I have ever seen leaped onto the path in front of us. I turned to get my weapon only to find the native had fled. The tiger lept toward me with a mighty ROARRRR! I soiled myself."

The reporter said, "Under those circumstances anyone would have done the same."

The old explorer said, "No, not then -- just now when I went 'ROARRRR!'"

So, one fine Sunday evening the lad, his lady friend and the rest of the family (17 or so people) were gathered around the dining room table.

The matriarch or the family asked the girlfriend, "So, tell me, lass, what is your occupation?"

The girl hesitated and said, "Well, Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."

Immediately the lad's mother fainted and was surrounded by a dozen family members who splashed her face with water. Finally, she regained consciousness, returned to her seat. Soon, the family calmed down and resumed the meal.

At that point, the mother asked again, "Forgive me, dearie. I don't think I heard you correctly.... what is your occupation?"

Again the girl answered, "Mrs. O'Malley, I'm a prostitute."

The mother laughed and said, "Oh my, dearie, for a moment there I thought you said you were a Protestant!"