Foreign jokes

Then the Budweiser President orders, "The King Of Beers -- Budweiser."
The bartender proceeds with the order.

The Amstel President walks in and orders "The Finest Beer ever."
The bartender gives him an Amstel.

Then the Guinness President says, "I'll have a coke please."
The bartender is taken aback by this but gives the coke to him anyway.

All the Presidents looked over at him and said, "Why have you ordered a coke?"
He replied, "Well if you all aren't drinking beer, then neither shall I."

He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.

He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

The son was so overcome with grief that he didn't remember slipping the note into his pocket. At the funeral, he reached into the pocket of his coat and immediately felt the note. He excitedly read it thinking it might be something he could recite during the service. It said:

YOU WANKER -- GET OFF MY OXYGEN PIPE!!!

Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.