Foreign jokes

George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are having a conversation via Al Jazeera television. Bin Laden tells George Bush, "There is no point of engaging in further war. I can see total peace in the future!"

George Bush replies, "Oh yeah and tell me what you see?"

Osama answers, "I can see New York, with new great buildings on one side and beautiful new buildings on the other side, and everything is peaceful and wonderful."

George Bush says, "Wow is that what you see? Well I'll tell ya what I see for the future of Afghanistan... I see a house here, a house there, a small building here and small building there, but there are signs hanging in the middle of the street."

Osama asks, "And what do they say?"

George answers, "Hell, I don't know. I can't read Hebrew!"

George Bush, Saddam Hussein and General Cosgrove were all walking along a beach together after a peace talk , when they spotted an empty champagne bottle lying in the sand . They popped it open, and a Genie materialised before them , announcing, "You have two wishes each."

First , George Bush said , "I wish I had an army of a million tanks to wipe out Saddam Hussein's army and free the people of Iraq! I also wish I had a fleet of a million oil tankers , to take his oil supplies when I'm done !"

The Genie granted the Chief Executive his wish .

"Ha !" Saddam retorted . "You won't defeat me so easily ! I wish there was an impregnable wall around all of Iraq , so no Iranians , Israelis or infidel Westerners may enter ! I also wish to be transported safely back to my palace in Baghdad !"

And with that , the Genie did his bidding , and Saddam vanished in a puff of smoke .

This left only General Cosgrove .

"Well , first of all ," said the good General ,"tell me about this wall ."

"Well , it's higher than any aeroplane can fly and thicker than any explosive can penetrate ," replied the Genie . "There are no entrances or exits . Basically , nothing can get in or out ."

"Right ," replied Cosgrove . "Fill it with water ."

There was this American tourist in Mexico, and he was getting tired of walking around, so he went up to a donkey rental place and said, 'Can I rent a donkey?'

The guy said, "We don't call them donkeys here, we call them asses. This is the only ass I have left, and you have to scratch him when you want to make him stop."

The guy rides his ass for a while, sees a hotdog stand, and asks for a hotdog. The vendor replies, "We don't call them hotdogs here we call the wieners."

Meanwhile his donkey is wandering away, so he goes up to another tourist and says "Will you hold my wiener whille I scratch my ass?"

A Scotsman is on holiday in New York City.

It's a balmy spring day and he is wearing a kilt.

A young woman comes up to him and boldly asks him if anything is worn beneath the kilt.

"No lassie" he replies, "everything is in fine working order."