Foreign jokes

What do Saddam Hussien and General Custer have in common?

They were wondering where all of those Tomahawks were coming from.

After dying a grisly death in an Afghan cave, Osama made his way to the pearly gates.

There, he was greeted by George Washington.

"How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!" yelled Washington, slapping Osama in the face.

Patrick Henry came up from behind. "You wanted to end America's liberty, so they gave you death!" Henry punched Osama in the nose.

James Madison came next, and said, "This is why I allowed the government provide for the common defense!" He took a sledge hammer and whacked Osama's knees.

Osama was subjected to similar beatings from John Randolph, James Monroe, and 65 other people who had the same love for liberty and America. As he writhed on the ground, Thomas Jefferson hurled him back toward the gate where he was to be judged.

As Osama awaited his journey to his final very hot destination, he screamed, "This is not what I was promised!"

An angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?"

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.

A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, 'What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?'

The other missionary replied, 'I just peed in the soup!'

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man who has never been with a woman sexually.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad.

She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his entire life in the Australian Outback. And after a long-distance courtship, they decide to get married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

“What happened?” she asks.

“I've never been with a woman,” he says. “But if it's anything like screwing a kangaroo I'm gonna need all the room I can get!”