Foreign jokes

A secretary for a foreign embassy was entertaining a wealthy foreign ambassador during lunch at a very expensive restaurant in uptown New York. The ambassador was so enthralled by the beauty and presence of this secretary that he asked her to marry him. The secretary was startled, but remembered that her boss told her never to insult foreign dignitaries, so she decided to let him down easy.

"I'll only marry you under three conditions."

"Anything, anything," said the ambassador.

"First, you must buy me a 14-karat gold wedding band with a 72 carat diamond, along with a 28 inch studded matching necklace for our engagement."

Without hesitation, the ambassador picked up his cellular phone, called his personal accountant, told him the instructions, and said, "Yes, yes, I buy, I buy!"

The secretary thought that her first request was too easy, so she thought of a more difficult situation.

"Second, I want you to build me a 58-acre mansion in the richest part of the Poconos along with a 40 acre summer home in the sweetest vineyards of Italy."

The ambassador picked up his phone, called his personal broker in New York, then called another broker in Italy, and after his quick conversation, he said, "Yes, yes, I build, I build!"

The secretary was very startled, and knew she must think of a final request that would be impossible to live up to.

"Finally," she said. "I'll only marry you if you have a 10 inch penis."

A sad face befell the ambassador, and he cupped his face in his hands. After weeping in his native language for a few minutes, the ambassador slowly lifted his head and said, "Ok, ok, I cut, I cut!"

What do you get when you cross a Scottish sheep with a Peruvian Mountain Goat?

The Dolly Llama.

Osama and Saddam are walking through a desert when they come across a fence where a goat has his head stuck.

Saddam looks at Osama, Osama looks at Saddam and Osama smiles, drops his pants, and starts goin to town with this goat, just tearin' his ass up. After Osama is done, he says, "Alright, Saddam, your turn."

And Saddam drops his draws, grabs his ankles, and sticks his head in the fence.

What did the troops say to Bush & Rumsfeld when they told them to march to Baghdad?

We Kuwait!