funny answering machine messages jokes

(Guns & Roses' "Civil War":) What we've got here is... Failure to communicate. Some men you just can't reach... I don't like it any more than you do.

"Muppet Show" theme:

It's time to leave a message

After you hear the tone,

It's time to leave a message

'Cause we're not at home tonight...

It's time to leave a message

On Kate and Shannon's phone,

It's time to leave a message

'Cause we're not at home tonight.

Just leave your name and number,

Such simple things to do,

And then when we get home we will

Get right back to you.

It's time to leave a message

After you hear the tone.

It's time to leave a message

'Cause we're not at home tonight.

Gone to get a bite,

Stayin' out all night,

Yes we have a life!

Leave a message, we're not home toniiiiight...

(Loud sounds of a massive battle; calm voice:) Hello! Due to the breakdown in the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 286-3589 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave your name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins.

1: Hey, would you get the phone?

2: I got the phone last time. You get the phone!

1: Well, I'm on the computer right now, so will you get it?

2: I'm in the bathroom, and besides, you're closer anyway!

1: Nicole, you always pull this garbage when it's your turn to get it!

2: Well, just let the answering machine get it then!