Children jokes

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a lady and her baby...
 
 
A lady and her baby get on a bus. The bus driver looks at the lady, and then her baby, and then screams, "AHHHH! That's the ugliest child I've ever seen in my life!"

The lady then, totally disgusted, marches up to the back of the bus to sit down.

As she was sitting there absolutely furious, a man asks, "Are you ok, dear?"

The lady replies, "I'm so angry, that bus driver just insulted me."

The man says, "You go back up there and give that bus driver a piece of your mind, and I'll watch your monkey."

unbearable lightness of being
 
 
One day mama bear and papa bear were getting a divorce. The judge decided that baby bear was going to live with mama bear.

Baby bear started to cry . "Whats wrong?" the judge asked baby bear.

"I dont want to live with mama bear, she abuses me!" said baby bear.

"Then, you can live with papa bear" said the judge.

Baby bear started to cry even harder the judge asked him, "Whats wrong?" Baby bear replied, " I dont want to live with papa bear he abuses me even more than mama bear does."

"Then who do you want to live with?" asked the judge.

Baby bear replied, "I want to live with the Baylor Bears, because they don't beat anyone!"

fast food
 
 
Yo mama is so stupid, she smashed open her TV hoping to find a TV dinner.
the teacher's gift
 
 
It was the last day of school, and all the students were bringing presents for their teacher. A florist's daughter came up and gave her teacher a box.

The teacher said, I'll bet these are flowers!" The girl replied, "How did you know?"

"Just a lucky guess," she said.

Next, a boy whose family owned a candy store came up and gave the teacher a box. She said that she knew it was candy. When the boy asked how she knew, she again said, "Just a lucky guess.'"

Finally, a boy whose father owned a liquor store came up and gave the teacher a box, but one of the box's corners was damp from a leak. The teacher asked the boy if it was wine. The boy said, "No." She touched the leak and put it to her tongue and asked if it was champagne. The boy again said no.

Finally, she gave up and asked him what was in the box.

He said happily, "A puppy!"


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