Children jokes

"Son, I won't tell you the dictionary definition in fear that it will confuse you. But to help you out, I'll give you something to do. Go ask your mother if she will sleep with a bum for $500,000 and ask your sister is she'll sleep with the garbageman for the same amount." So, the little boy goes up to his mom.

"Mommy, would you ever sleep with a bum for $500,000?"

"You bet your ass I would!" exclaims the mother. So the little boy goes up to his sister's bedroom.

"Hey sis, would you sleep with the garbageman for $500,000?"

"I sure would!" exclaims his sister.

"Dad, Dad! Mom and sis both said they would. What does that mean?"

"Well, son," the father says. "Technically, we're millionares but in reality we live with a couple of dirty whores!"

'What a coincidence,' the man said with some obvious pride. 'I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.'

The nurse returned in a little while and turned to the second man, 'You sir, are the father of triplets.'

'Wow, That's really an incredible coincidence ' he answered. 'I work for the 3M Corporation. My buddies at work will never let me live this one down."

An hour later, while the other two men were passing cigars around, the nurse came back, this time she turn to the thirrd man -- who had been quiet in the corner. She announced that his wife had just given birth to quadruplets.

Stunned, he barely could reply. 'Don't tell me! Another coincidence?' asked the nurse. After finally regaining his composure, he said 'I don't believe it, I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!'

After hearing this, everybody's attention turned to the fourth guy, who had just fainted, flat out on the floor. The nurse rushed to his side and after some time, he slowly regained consciousness. When he was finally able to speak, you could hear him whispering repeatedly the same phrase over and over again.

'I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... 'I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers... 'I should have never taken that job at Millennium Computers...'

"Mom, I think I'm going to throw up!"

She told him, "I want you to run outside as fast as you can. Run across the lawn and go behind the bushes. You can throw up behind the bushes and nobody will see you."

So Little Johnny hauled ass for the door. Less than a minute later, he returned to his seat next to his mom. He had the look of obvious relief on his young face.

"Did you make it all the way to the bushes, Johnny?"

"I didn't have to go that far, mom.

Just as I got to the front door, I found a box that had a sign on it: FOR THE SICK.'

"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish parent, "the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy. "Well, how did you and daddy get born?" he asked.

"Oh, the stork brought us too."

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" he persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the parent, by now starting to squirm a little in the Lazy Boy recliner.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher who read with confusion the opening sentence:
"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three generations."