Children jokes

"Mommy, the kids all say we're aliens from outer space. That's not true, is it?"

"Vegl dibrogmrn di shtrtl mixtor!"

A dead-beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was greeted at the Golden Gate by St. Peter, who warmly shook his hand and asked him to sit down next to him.

Looking over the dead-beat Dad's file, St. Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. 'Your record looks fine, except for one glaring item. Why the hell didn't you pay child support for your six kids?'

The man jumped up. 'Child support?! All God said in Genesis was 'Be fruitful and multiply.' He didn't say nothin' about supporting them!'

St. Peter smirked: "That part of Genesis was God's Italian wife's recipe for marinated steak, buddy-- Beef, fruit, fuel, and a mallet apply.'

A Jewish student was doing well in school in all subjects except for Math. So his parents decide to send him to a private Catholic school.

While there the boy came home from school and studied every day. At the end of the marking period the boy got straight A's. So his parents ask him, "What motivated you to do so well in school?"

He replied, "When I saw that guy nailed to a plus sign I knew they weren't fooling around!"

There were five people on a crashing air plane. Britney Spears, George W. Bush, Pavarotti, the Pope, and a boy scout. There were only four parachutes, not enough for the five important people on board, so they had to decide who would be left. President Bush said he should go first since he is the president of the greatest country in the world. So he jumps and lands safely. Then Pavarotti says that he has the greatest voice in the world so jumps and parachutes to safety. Britney Spears says she's a role model for young girls, a sex icon, and the smartest woman in the world so she jumps out. Then the Pope says to the little boy scout, "I am old and feeble and I don't have much longer to live...You must take the last parachute." The boy scout replies, "We can both take a parachute because the smartest woman in the world took my backpack."