Children jokes

A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day. When the time came to present what they'd found, the first little boy walked up to the front of the class made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down. Puzzled, the teacher asked him just what it was.

"It's a period,' said the little boy.

"Well, I can see that,' she said, 'but what is so exciting about a period?'

'Damned if I know,' said the little boy, 'but this morning my sister was missing one, Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted, and the man next door shot himself."

Three friends die and go to heaven. The first guy gets handcuffed to one of the ugliest girls there.

'Why?' he asks.

St. Paul replies, 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.' The same happens to the second guy. He asks why.

St. Paul replies, 'When you were nine you killed a bird with a stone.' The third guy laughs at his friends and says, 'Thank God I didn't do anything like that.' He gets handcuffed to the prettiest girl in heaven. The other two guys ask, 'Why?'

'Because when she was nine she killed a bird with a stone.'

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bar tender, "Got any 'gwapes'?", and the bartender replies, "No, sorry I don't sell grapes here." So the duck leaves and goes home to rest and the next day he walks into the same bar and asks the bar tender, "Got any gwapes?" The bartender replies, "No, sorry I don't sell grape here." The duck leaves and goes home to rest and the next day, he goes back to the bar and asks the bartender, "Got any gwapes?" The bartender angrily replies, "I don't want to have to tell you again, I don't sell grapes here and if you ask me again I will nail your beek to the counter of the bar!" The duck leaves and goes home to rest. The next day the duck goes to the bar and asks, "Got any nails?" The bartender looks at him and screams, "No, we don't have any nails!" The duck then asks, "Got any gwapes?"

What's the diffrence between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag?

The one is made of plastic and is dangerous to children, the other is for carying groceries.