Children jokes

One day a man goes to a pet shop to buy a parrot. The assistant takes the man to the parrot section and asks the man to choose one. The man asks, 'How much is the yellow one?'

The assistant says, '$2000.' The man is shocked and asks the assistant why it's so expensive. The assistant explains, 'This parrot is a very special one. He knows typewriting and can type really fast.'

'What about the green one?' the man asks.

The assistant says, 'He costs $5000 because he knows typewriting and can answer incoming telephone calls and takes notes.'

'What about the red one?' the man asks.

The assistant says, 'That one's $10,000.'

The man says, 'What does HE do?'

The assistant says, 'I don't know, but the other two call him boss.'

What did the lima bean say before it went into the pot?

Sufferin' succotash!

In a small town in California there lived two boys, Shut-up and Trouble. These boys were friends, but every once-in-awhile they would get into a fight. One time after they had both just gotten ice-cream, Trouble's ice-cream fell. Trouble then stole Shut-up's ice-cream and ran away. Shut-up ran after Trouble but eventually lost him, sat on a curb, and started to cry.

A police officer pulled up and asked, “What's your name?”

“Shut-up.”

The officer got angry and asked the same question again and got the same reply. Finally, he asked the same question and got the same reply and then said, “Boy, are you looking for Trouble?”

And Shut-up said, “Yeah, that fool stole my ice-cream!”

Q: How do you catch a squirrel?

A: Climb up a tree and act like a nut!