Children jokes

One night a father sent his kid to bed. Five minutes later the boy screamed, 'Dad! Can you get me a glass of water!?!'

'No. You had your chance.'

A minute later the boy screamed 'Dad!! Can you get me a glass of water?'

'No. You had your chance. Next time you ask I'll come up there and spank you.'

'Dad! When you come up to spank me can you bring me a glass or water?'

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he'll get scared away," the boy said. He was then sent to the principal's office and the principal asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent home and his mom asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." He was sent to his room and his dad came in and asked him what he had in his hands.
"A little leprechaun and if I open my hands he'll get scared away." Then his Dad got really mad and yelled, "Open your hands!"
"Look, Dad. You scared the crap out of him."

It was recess and the pre-schoolers came in. The teacher asked Susie what she did today. 'Well, I played in the sandbox,' she said. The teacher said, 'If you can spell sand, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie.' So Susie did.

Then Billy came in and the teacher asked what he did. 'I played in the sandbox with Susie,' he said. 'If you can spell sand, I'll give you a cookie,' the teacher said. So Billy did.

Then the little Russian boy said, 'Well, I wanted to play in the sandbox, but Billy and Susie were throwing rocks at me.'

The teacher said, 'Well, that sounds like discrimination. If you can spell that, I'll give you a cookie.'

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 mph when he noticed that there was a three-legged chicken running alongside his car.

He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour. The chicken was still keeping up. After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house.

The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.

The farmer said that he was a geneticist and had developed this breed of chicken because he, his wife and his son each like a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken.

"That's the most fantastic thing I've ever heard," said the salesman. "How do they taste?"

"I don't know," said the farmer. "We've never caught one."