Children jokes

One Sunday, a priest asked one of the church janitor if he would cover his Confession shift for him -- he said it was easy, since he had a sin list inside the booth which listed both sins and penance. The janitor agreed and took the booth early on Sunday morning. Soon people showed up.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed adultery."

"Adultery, eh?" the janitor said. "You sly devil. That'll be three Hail Mary's, plus five bucks."

"Thank you, Father." Another person came into the booth.

"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have embezzled money from work."
"Embezzlement, eh? Naughty, naughty. That'll be 5 Hail Mary's, plus fourteen bucks."
"Thank you, Father." This was easy, the janitor thought. Another person came into the booth.
"Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have committed the sin of oral sex."
"Oral sex, huh?" He looked at the list, but didn't see butt-sex there. So, he excused himelf to look for help. He found an alter boy hanging out on the steps of the church.
"Excuse me," the janitor said. "What does Father Matthew give for oral sex?"
"Well," said the boy, "usually just milk and cookies, but sometimes a Snickers."

Q. How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A. Unique up on it.

Q. How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A. Tame way.

A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?"

"No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?"

"You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs."

The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he he kicks a chicken. Next, we walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.

Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"

"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage."

Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, 'I've kidnapped you.'

She then wrote a note saying,'I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.' The blonde pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, 'How could you do this to a fellow blonde?'