Children jokes

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blonde kidnapper
 
 
A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, 'I've kidnapped you.'

She then wrote a note saying,'I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, A Blonde.' The blonde pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. The blonde opened up the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, 'How could you do this to a fellow blonde?'

tigger please
 
 
Q: Why was Tigger sticking his head in the toilet?

A: He was looking for Pooh!

like father like son
 
 
One day a man walked in on his son masturbating. He said, "Now son, if you don't stop masterbuting, you'll go blind!" The son replies, "Hey dad! I'm over here!"
first grade proverbs
 
 
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here's what the kids came up with:

  1. Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
  2. Strike while the... bug is close.
  3. It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.
  4. Never underestimate the power of... termites.
  5. You can lead a horse to water but... how?
  6. Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.
  7. No news is... impossible.
  8. A miss is as good as a... Mr.
  9. You can't teach an old dog... math.
  10. If you lie down with dogs, you... will stink in the morning.
  11. Love all, trust... me.
  12. The pen is mightier than... the pigs.
  13. An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
  14. Where there is smoke, there's... pollution.
  15. Happy is the bride who... gets all the presents.
  16. A penny saved is... not much.
  17. Two is company, three's... The Musketeers.
  18. None are so blind as... Helen Keller.
  19. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
  20. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
  21. You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
  22. When the blind lead the blind... get out of the way.
  23. There is no fool like... Aunt Edie.
  24. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and... you have to blow your nose.

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