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first grade proverbs
 
 
A first grade teacher collected well-known proverbs. She gave each kid in the class the first half of the proverb, and asked them to fill in the rest. Here's what the kids came up with:

  1. Better to be safe than... punch a 5th grader.
  2. Strike while the... bug is close.
  3. It's always darkest before... daylight savings time.
  4. Never underestimate the power of... termites.
  5. You can lead a horse to water but... how?
  6. Don't bite the hand that... looks dirty.
  7. No news is... impossible.
  8. A miss is as good as a... Mr.
  9. You can't teach an old dog... math.
  10. If you lie down with dogs, you... will stink in the morning.
  11. Love all, trust... me.
  12. The pen is mightier than... the pigs.
  13. An idle mind is... the best way to relax.
  14. Where there is smoke, there's... pollution.
  15. Happy is the bride who... gets all the presents.
  16. A penny saved is... not much.
  17. Two is company, three's... The Musketeers.
  18. None are so blind as... Helen Keller.
  19. Children should be seen and not... spanked or grounded.
  20. If at first you don't succeed... get new batteries.
  21. You get out of something what you... see pictured on the box.
  22. When the blind lead the blind... get out of the way.
  23. There is no fool like... Aunt Edie.
  24. Laugh and the whole world laughs with you. Cry and... you have to blow your nose.
playing doctor
 
 
A little boy and girl were playing doctor. The little boy boldly pulled off his shirt and pointed to his nipples.

"I've got two of these," he said. "How about you?" The little girl opened her blouse and showed him her nipples. So the boy pointed to his belly button. The little girl looked down showed him her belly button. So the little boy dropped his drawers and pointed to his penis. The little girl raised her skirt and pulled her underwear to the side, but search as she might she couldn't find that particular organ. The little boy taunted her till she ran home to her mommy. She returned 15 minutes later with a big grin on her face.

"My mommy told me that when I am 15 years old, I'll have as many of those as I want!"

mommy, mommy!
 
 
"Mommy, Mommy! Where have all your scabs gone?"
"Shut up and eat your corn flakes."
this little piggy
 
 
Five little pigs walk into a bar. The first pig asks the bartender for a beer. The pig finishes the beer and asks where the bathroom is.

The second pig goes up to the bartender and asks for two beers. The second pig finishes the two beers and asks where the bathroom is.

The third and fourth pig go up to the bartender and ask for three and four beers. After finishing their beers, they ask where the bathroom is.

The fifth pig goes up to the bar, but before he can order, the bartender says, "You don't have to say anything, you want five beers, right?"

The fifth pig says to him, "Right, but I'm the pig that goes wee wee all the way home.


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