Children jokes

Just as mom walks though the door, little Jonny comes running over. He says 'Mommy, Mommy. I was playing in daddy's closet and he can in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took off each others clothes and laid down on the bed...'

The mother interupts him. 'Stop right there!! Wait 'till daddy comes home!!'

When the father finally returns from work, mother promptly goes up to him and says 'I'm leaving you.'

The father, bewildered, slowly asks 'Why!?! What did I do??'

The mother turns to Jonny and says ' tell daddy exactly what you told me today!'

'I was playing in daddy's closet and he came in with the lady next door and they started kissing and then they took each other's clothes off and laid down on the bed...just like what you and Uncle Joe did last summer.'

A boy comes running into the kitchen and says, "Mommy, mommy! Grandpa hanged himself in the living room!"

His mother runs into the living room, and sees no one there. Angrily, she says, "Listen. You should never lie like that to me again, do you understand!?!"

"I'm sorry," says the boy. "I was just kidding. He hanged himself in the basement."

Little Johnny was playing with his father's wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to him mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man who said he could get the money out in a jiffy. He turned little Johnny upside down and patted him with great precision on the back of neck and, sure enough, the quarter rolled out. Everyone was amazed, the father said “You must be an expert!” The man replied, “No sir I'm just a tax collector.”

Q: What Does Legolas feed his horse?

A: Elf-elf-a