Foreign jokes

So the Irishman stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He tries to stand one more time, same result. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he decides to crawl the four blocks to his home and when he arrives at the door he stands up and falls flat on his face. He crawls through the door into his bedroom. When he reaches his bed he tries one more time to stand up. This time he manages to pull himself upright but he quickly falls right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.

He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him.

'So, you've been out drinking again!!'

'What makes you say that?' he asks, as he puts on an innocent face.

'The pub called...you left your wheelchair there again.'

Interviewer: How did you get that pegleg?

Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the first world war.

Interviewer: How did you get that hook?

Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife.

Interviewer: What about your eyepatch?

Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye.

Interviewer: And that put your eye out?

Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hook.

'Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage due to the mad cow disease,' says the waiter.

The Texan says, 'What's a shortage?'

The Russian says, 'What's a steak?'

The New Yorker says, 'What's excuse me?'

11 - One to hold the lightbulb, and 10 to drink until the room spins.