Foreign jokes

There were these two vampires talking. One says to the other, 'I heard on TV that wine is good for the health.' The other one said, 'Well, let's go to Italy, the Italians drink wine.
So they go to Italy, stand on the bridge and wait. A woman walks by. They vampires kill her, drink her blood and throw the body over the bridge. A few minutes later, a man walks by. They kill him, drink his blood and throw his body over the bridge. Then another man comes along, and they kill him too.
Just as they were about to throw the body over the bridge, they hear a voice singing. The two vampires look down to see an alligator under the bridge singing, 'Drained wops keep falling on my head.'

There was this man who really had to go to the bathroom. He went to the nearest house, which happened to be the home of a monk and asked, 'Can I please use the bathroom?' The monk told him he could, so he went in. When he was in the bathroom he heard this clink, clink, clink. When he was finished he went to the monk and asked, 'What was that noise I heard in the bathroom?' The monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a monk. You have to go to Italy for two years.'

So the man went to Italy for two years and then came back and asked the monk again what the noise was. The monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a high monk. You have to go to Italy for three years.' So the man went, came back and then asked the monk again what the noise was. Again the monk said, 'I can't tell you, you're not a king monk. You have to go to Italy for four years.' So the man went, came back and once more asked the monk.

And the monk said, "The pipes bang sometimes. Aren't I a passive aggressive sadist for not just telling you that in the first place? And aren't you a sorry-assed sucker for jumping through my retarded hoops?"

How come the Taliban are not circumcised?

It gives them a place to put their bubblegum during a sandstorm.

An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman are wandering through the desert, hungry and hallucinating, when they come upon a rotting, dead camel.

"Well," said the Englishman, "I support the Liverpool football club, so I'll eat the liver."

"I support the Hearts club," said the Scotsman, "so I'll eat the heart."

"I support Arsenal," said the Irishman, "but I seem to have lost my appetite."