Redneck jokes

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Redneck


redneck christmas shopping
 
 
You know you're a redneck when... you go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend and only come back with one gift.
pretty woman in west virginia
 
 
What do West Virginians call a pretty woman?

A tourist.
louisiana heritage
 
 
A few clues to being a true Louisianan:

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.

3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

4. You measure distance in minutes.

5. You know several people who have hit a deer.

6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

8. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

11. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals.

12. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

13. You use "fix" as a verb. Example: I am fixing to go to the store.

14. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

15. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

16. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

17. You carry jumper cables in your car.

18. You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" are.

19. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

20. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

21. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

22. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.

23. You think that deer season is a national holiday.

24. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."

25. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.

26. You know if another Louisianan is from southern, middle, or northern Louisiana as soon as they open their mouth.

27. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

28. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good gumbo weather.

redneck college grad
 
 
A Hillbilly family's only son had saved up money to go to college and after about 3 years he came back home. They were sitting around the dinner table when the dad said, 'Well son, you done gone to college so you must be perty smart. Why don't you speak some math fer' us?'

'Ok, Pa', the son said then, 'Pi R squared.'

After a moment the Dad said, 'Why son, they ain't teached ya nothin'! Pie are round, cornbread are square.'


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