Sports jokes

Two men have been sitting out on a lake all day long, ice fishing. One has been having no luck at all and the other has been pulling fish after fish out of his hole in the ice. The man having no luck finally leans over and asks the other what his secrect is.
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"mmmmm mmm mm mmm mmmm mmm mmm."
"I'm sorry, I still didn't understand you." The successful man spits something into his hand.
"You've got to keep your worms warm."

The St. Louis Symphony was playing Beethoven's Ninth one night. One bass player said to the other: 'We don't have much to do. Let's go next door for a few drinks.' They stayed for a while and got a little tipsy. One said to the other: 'To give us more time, I tied the pages of the music together so the conductor will have to untie it when he gets near the end.'

They staggered back into the auditorium just in time for the finish. The next day when someone asked their friend how the concert was they replied: 'The most exciting part was at the end of the Ninth when the score was tied and the bassists were loaded.'

A blind man was describing his favorite sport - parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go."

"But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked.

"I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground," he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked.

He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack."

Two football players, Bubba and Tiny, were taking an important exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the big game the following week.

The exam was “fill in the blank” and the last question read, “Old MacDonald had a_____.” Bubba was stumped -- he had no idea what to answer, but he knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed.

Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny in the shoulder. “Tiny, what's the answer to the last question?” Tiny laughed, then looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed. He turned to Bubba and said, “Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows that Old MacDonald had a FARM.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba, “I remember now.” he picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. Then he stopped. Tapping Tiny on the shoulder, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. that's so easy,” hissed Tiny, “farm is spelled ‘E-I-E-I-O’.”