Sports jokes

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

During the tour, some of the children needed to go to the toilet, so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men's toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn't reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one up in this manner, she couldn't help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child.
"I guess you must be in the fifth," she said.

"No ma'am," he replied, "I'm in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. but thanks for the lift anyhow."

He's such a dumb jock, that when he was driving to the airport, he saw a sign that read, "Airport Left," and he turned around and went home.

A new arrival in Hell was brought before the devil.

The devil told his demon to put the man to work on a rock pile with a 20-pound sledge hammer in 95 degree heat with 95% humidity.
At the end of the day, the devil went to see how the man was doing, only to find him smiling and singing as he pounded rocks. The man explained that the heat and hard labor were very similar to those on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.

The devil told his demon to turn up the heat to 120 degrees, with 100% humidity.

At the end of the next day, the devil again checked on the new man, and found him still happy to be sweating and straining. The man explained that it felt like the old days, when he had to clean out his silo in the middle of August on his beloved farm back in Pennsylvania.

At that, the devil told his demon to lower the temperature to -20 degrees with a 40 mph wind.

At the end of the next day, the devil was confident that he would find the man miserable. But, instead the man was singing louder than ever, twirling the sledge hammer like a baton.

When the devil asked him why he was so happy, the man answered, "Cold day in hell - the Eagles must have won the Super Bowl!"

One day while jogging, a man noticed two tennis balls lying by the side of the road. He picked the balls up, put them in his pocket and proceeded on his way.

Waiting at the cross street for the light to change, he noticed a beautiful blonde standing next to him and smiling.

"What are those big bulges in your running shorts?" she asked.

"Tennis balls," answered the man, smiling back.

"Wow," said the blonde, looking upset. "That must hurt. I once had tennis elbow and the pain was unbearable."