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jesus wants to be arnold palmer
Jesus and Moses went golfing. Jesus was about to hit a shot and said, "Hey Moses, watch this! Just like Arnold Palmer!"

Moses said, "Jesus, you can do anything, don't try to be like Arnold Palmer."

Jesus said, "No, just like Arnold Palmer!"

Well, Jesus hit the ball in the water so Jesus asked Moses to retrieve the ball. Moses parted the water and got the ball. This continued for about 15 minutes. Finally, Jesus hit the ball in the water for the 7th time. "Please get my ball for me," Jesus asked Moses.

Moses said, "No, I told you to quit trying to be like Arnold Palmer, so I'm not getting it this time."

So Jesus walked across the water, reached down and got his ball. While he was doing this, a couple of kids rode by in a cart and said, "Who does he think he is? Jesus?"

Moses said, "NO! He thinks he's Arnold Palmer!"

things in football that sound dirty -- but aren't

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.
19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.
18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.
17. It's a game of inches.
16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.
15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.
14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.
13. He found his tight end.
12. End around.
11. He had to stretch to get it in.
10. He gets penetration in the backfield.
9. He blows them off (at the line).
8. He bangs it in.
7. He could go all the way.
6. He gets it off just in time.
5. He goes deep.
4. He found a hole and slid through it.
3. He pounds it in.
2. He beats them off (the line)
1. He's got great hands.

golf love poem
I think that I shall never see
a hazard rougher than an tree;

A tree o'er which my ball must fly
if on the green it is to lie;

A tree which stands that green to guard,
and makes the shot extremely hard;

A tree whose leafy arms extend
to kill the six iron shot I send;

A tree that stands in silence there,
while angry golfers rave and swear.

Irons were made for fools like me
who cannot ever miss a tree.

women and pool tables
What is the difference between a woman a pool table?

On the pool table, you put the balls in the hole and the stick stays out.

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