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first-time golfer
 
 
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game.

The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green."

The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole.

"Now what?" the fellow asked the speechless pro.

"Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again.

"Oh great! NOW you tell me." said the beginner.

joe d. days
 
 
A Yankees fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Yankee Stadium, until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was.

The guy said, "Yes, that's my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since Joe DiMaggio played, but now my wife is dead."

The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really too bad that he couldn't find some relative to enjoy the game with.

"Oh no. I can." the guy replied. "It's just that they're all at the funeral."

a toast
 
 
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!
2nd to 3rd
 
 
Why does it take longer to run from second base to third base than it takes to run from first to second?

Because you have a short stop between second and third.


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